Legal.io

Jun 09, 2022

Community Perspectives: What's the difference between in-house and law firm life as a new parent?

In-house legal professionals discuss how they balance parenthood with in-house or law firm roles.

What’s it like being in in-house as a new parent compared to at a firm? I have twin boys on the way and am considering future paths that may be better for them and my wife than the grind of billing at a bigger firm.

General Counsel Responses:

I have been a new parent both in BigLaw and in-house. I find it to be easier in-house in the sense that even though I work somewhere that is somewhat stressful, if I take 30 minutes to help out with something family-related, as long as I’m being efficient I don’t feel “penalized” for doing it. I did feel that way in BigLaw, i.e. having the feeling that now I need to bill 30 minutes later into the night. So, not having the pressure of billables has been huge.

Counsel Responses:

I can’t speak to parenting in a firm, but I also have twins and I'd say it's very company dependent. When they were born, the company I worked for at the time had a two-week paternity leave policy, but my direct manager was super chill and let me kind of be half-present as long as I was keeping up with the deal flows. I worked on and off from the NICU, so as not to burn paternity leave on days where I couldn’t really do much for them anyway, and took most of my leave on the day they were born and then when we brought them home. If you don’t have a ton of leave and can do this, I highly recommend it. I switched jobs shortly after they were born (three months old), and that company purported to have a healthy work/life balance, but that was a lie. I was quickly judged for having my daughters on calls (I would feed them and take calls, but was very careful with video and audio on calls, no outside counsel ever heard or saw my girls on a call), and there were strong suggestions that we put them in daycare asap (though never stated outright). I left that place after three miserable months. The place I work within now is super accommodating, and asks for updates/pictures/appearances by my girls on calls. We won’t have more kids, but the paternity leave is 14 weeks, and I’m always free to tend to whatever my girls need as long as the work is getting done. No amount of money is worth missing out on spending time with my kids, and any company that can’t get behind that isn’t worth wasting my time. As you can probably tell, I work from home with all three of the above, which was a big help for my wife. Our closest family lives 1,500 miles away, so it’s just the two of us with the twins at home, no nanny or cleaning service. It’s hard, but it’s bred resilience in all of us. I'm happy to answer any questions you have - work-related or not.
I can’t imagine that any outside counsel on a deal would care if your kids were in shot. That's so weird of your employer to act that way.

Attorney and Associate Responses:

It’s really company dependent. You have to find a place that values work/life balance but not every company does.
As an associate at a boutique litigation firm, I missed a lot with my son when he was a baby. I took six weeks of maternity leave and then basically worked 50-60 hours until I got my in-house role. As a first time mom, it was very hard being at the office late and on weekends instead of spending time with him. Since making the switch, I haven't worked over 40 hours and have been able to leave in the middle of the day for doctor appointments and events at his school. My company values work/life balance.
I went in-house specifically to have more time with my kid. At the firm, it was rare for me to see him more than 15 minutes a day during the week, and my weekends were spent at home but working all day. I cried every single day (and I am not a crier at all). Work/life balance is company-dependent, so I made it a point to mention in my interviews that I had a young child and was looking to spend more time with family. The reactions I got from interviewers to that statement told me a lot. I’m now in a spot that really values and respects work/life balance and personal commitments, and I could not be happier with my choice to prioritize my family.
I can only speak from a BigLaw firm perspective, but I contemplated this move when our third child was on the way. I ultimately decided against it because I’m not in a particularly call-heavy group, so I usually have the flexibility to push work to the nights or early mornings. I’ve heard in-house roles can be heavier on the calls/meetings, which might work better for me when the kids are all in school, but for now with three kids under the age of five, I really like having the flexibility to be with them more during the day when I’m working from home.

In-house? Be a part of the conversation on Fishbowl (anonymous).

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